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User blog:TheScottBird/My Winners of the ERBs
Yo guys, TheScottBird here. I'm a little bored, so: here are the people I thought won in each ERB. Season One *John Lennon *Darth Vader *Abe Lincoln *Sarah Palin *Hulk Hogan & Macho Man (mainly just Macho Man) *Ludwig van Beethoven *Stephen Hawking *Easter Bunny *Napoleon Bonaparte *Billy Mays & Vince Offer *Gandalf *William Shakespeare (I would've said Seuss, but honestly Thing 1 and Thing 2 ruined it for him) *Mr. Rogers *Christopher Columbus *EpicLLOYD Season Two *Adolf Hitler *Master Chief *Mario Bros. *Michael Jackson *Cleopatra *Steve Jobs and Bill Gates TIE *Freddie Mercury *Mitt Romney (It was really hard to actually decide. I was gonna go with Lincoln, but Mitt actually dissed Obama a lot.) *Dr. Who *Sherlock Holmes & Dr. Watson *Clint Eastwood *Santa Claus & his Elves *Adam & Eve TIE *Gandhi *Nikola Tesla *Babe Ruth *Mozart *5th. Mikhail Gorbachev 4. Joseph Stalin 3. Vladimir Lenin 2. Rasputin 1. Putin Season Three *Darth Vader & Boba Fett *Al Capone *Joan of Arc *Bob Ross *Muhammad Ali *5. Kanye West 4. Ebenezer Scrooge 3. The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come 2. Donald Trump 1. J.P. Morgan *Rick Grimes & Walter White TIE *Goku & Superman TIE *Stephen King *Sir Isaac Newton BONUS: BEST DISSES *John Lennon: "Help! You're making my ears bleed, you need a muzzle/Why you pissed off all the time? Didn't your mom give you a cuddle?" *Bill O'Reilly: "You're Paul McCartney's bitch with less talent than Ringo/And I'd rather suck George Bush's dick than Yoko Ono's" *Adolf Hitler (1): "You stink Vader, your style smells something sour/You need to wash up dawg, here, step in my shower" *Darth Vader (1): "You can't rhyme against the Dark Side of the Force, why even bother?/So many dudes been with your mom, who even knows if I'm your father?" *Abe Lincoln: "You block bullets with your beard? I catch 'em with my skull/I make fun of 'Walker, Texas Ranger' but I never even seen that show" *Chuck Norris: "Chuck Norris doesn't battle, he just allows you to lose/My raps will blow your mind like a verbal John Wilkes Booth" *Sarah Palin: "Everything you do is just a rerun of Madonna/Your fans are in a frenzy like a bunch of gay piranha" *Lady Gaga: "You don't belong in politics, you belong at a hockey game/History will regret you like John McCain" *Kim Jong-Il: "The name's Kim Jong, I got a license to ill/Make you swallow my rhymes like a steroids pill" *Hulk Hogan: "You're a freak, a phony, a rice-a-roni jabroni/I'm gonna smack you like a check for my alimony" *Macho Man: "I'll elbow-drop your whole nation/On behalf of the entire World Wrestling Federation...oh yeah" *Justin Bieber: "I'm the next Michael Jackson, you smell like Bette White/Here's some aspirin, you're catching Bieber fever tonight" *Beethoven: "There's a crowd of millions waiting to hear my symphonies/You wanna be a little, white Usher? Here, show 'em to their seats" *Einstein: "You can't destroy matter or me for serious/Ripping holes in you bigger than the hole that your black hole theory was" *Stephen Hawking: There are ten million... particles in the universe that we can observe/Yo mama took the ugly ones and put them into one nerd" *Easter Bunny "The Great Wall couldn't keep you out of China/Watch me rub my foot for luck and stick it right up your vagina" *Genghis Khan: "Easter my ass, you're not in the Bible/You're a fluffy, bitch mascot for Hallmark in denial" *Dynamite: "I don't even care for how many, like, fricking Prussians you've killed/'Cause, to me, you're just the Emperor of the Lollipop Guild" *Bonaparte: "I'll whip you so bad, they'll make a virgin meringue/You're the only type of Dynamite that's never going to bang" *Ben Franklin: "I'm Big Ben Franklin and this shan't be pretty/Let me instruct you how we battle in the city of Philly" *Billy Mays: "Hi, Billy Mays here with a special TV offer/Watch me crush this bald, fat, foppish Founding Father" *Vince Offer: "Your boy George chopped down trees, you couldn't break a piece of balsa/Slap-chop your face, make a double-chin salsa" *Gandalf: "You shall not pass! I rap fast like Shadowfax/Tom Riddle me this, you bitch, how's your little wand gonna beat my staff?" *Dumbledore: "You think your hairy-toed friends are gonna harm me?/Wait till they get a taste of Dumbledore's Army" *Shakespeare: "I'm switching up my style like the Beatles with my pieces/Each is such a wonder with a plethora of features/You're pathetically predictable/You think your new book might include/A trisyllabic meter/And some ghetto Muppet creatures/The Bard is the building/It's a castle, I'm a boss/I bet I'm Parliament/I'm positive I'm killing it/I'm iller than the plague I never caught/A cholera, a baller-baller/And some cricket bowler business/While you're sitting in the bleachers *Cat in the Hat "I would not, could not, on a boat/Read any of the boring-ass plays you wrote" *Things 1 & 2 "All does not end well when we bust out our cage/You're upstaged Bill, yo' you just got played" *Mr. T "I will Mr. T-Bag you in the closest cemetery/Nobody gonna miss you 'cause all your friends imaginary" *Mr. Rogers "I'll say this once Lawrence, I hope I'm understood/Get right back in your van and get the fuck out of my Neighborhood" Season One: To be continued. Season Two: To be continued. *Adolf Hitler (3): "You're just a sad, asthmatic robot freak who need some lovin'/Well I baked you something, here, pop into my oven" *Darth Vader (3): "You wrote a little book, got 'em fired up/Had a Beer Hall Putsch, got 'em fired up/When your bunker started getting fired up/You put a gun in your mouth and fired up" *Boba Fett: "They call me Boba Fett, you wanna mess with me? I'll put my balls in your mouth like boba tea" *Blackbeard: "You spent time in Alcatraz, I'm sure you were fine/If you dropped the soap as little as you drop dope rhymes" *Al Capone: "Take your little sloop John B. and go home/Tell South Carolina, Blackbeard got Capwned" *Miley Cyrus: "Sweet burn ('ooh'), no pun intended/You're a cross-dressing peasant betrayed by those you defended" *Joan of Arc: "My Father taught me things your daddy couldn't teach ya/Your highest calling was a text from Wiz Khalifa" *Pablo Picasso: "Why don't you go back home and beat your brush, you chump?/I can make better art with my wiener, Lump" *Michael Jordan: "Why don't you dodge this battle like you did Vietnam?/'Cause you got as much of beating me as LeBron" *Muhammad Ali: "You need to bounce back to North Carolina, kid/'Cause your rapping sucks more than Space Jam did" *Donald Trump: "When the clock strikes, prepare to enter a world of Christmas pain/'Cause I'm out, I got my own f***ing problems, call me 2-Chainz" *Ebenezer Scrooge: "Haunt all you want, I don't care/I do not believe in ghosts and I don't believe that hair" *J.P. Morgan: "Because your greed is the curse that's gonna tear you apart/What good is your purse if you're poor in your heart?" *Kanye West: "Just take a lesson from Yeezy, you're missing the point Ebeneezy/There's more to life than your work, take it easy; even I can make time for Azizy" *Ghost of Christmas YTC: "The penance you pay for the way you behave/Is written as plain as the name on this grave" *Rick Grimes: "Carl, I said stay back with the others/While I finish this bitch like you finished your mother" *Walter White: "I'm a kingpin cooking crystal in the middle of the day/Having dinner by the pool with the DEA/Run you over with my Aztek: GTA/If you ever try to stop Heisenburg getting paid" *Superman: "I'm killing it, you're Krillin it, I'm villainous to vegetables/Who dance around in Hammer pants, that hide their tiny genitals" *Goku: "There's only one way this battle's gonna end/One more Superman who's never gonna walk again" *Edgar Allan Poe: "Even if you're gripping on a weapon, then you better get to stepping if you're messing with the horror lord/In a minute, maybe I'mma hit him, cut him into itty bitty bits and I'mma stick him in the floorboards" *Stephen King: "Fame? Money? Talent? Success?/You'll always have less...never more" *Sir Isaac Newton: "Of all the scientific minds in History, they put Beaker in a bow-tie up against me?/I'm a master, I discovered gravity; I drop rhymes like they're falling from an apple tree" *Bill Nye: "You wrote the book on gravity, but you couldn't attract no body/Your work on orbits was exemplary, but your number of friends was shoddy" *Neil deGrasse Tyson: "Why don't you pick on a brain your own size?/We got a badass over here, plus I got your back Nye" *George Washington: *William Wallace: Category:Blog posts